Where will Joy find you? pt.1

As a homeschool mom I know how it is to lose sight of Joy. There are days when joy wants to find me but I hide from her. Joy will then come looking for me but when she finds me I have already buried myself in pity and disappointment that she knows it is too late for me. Why do I hide from Joy? I don’t wake up planning on it. It’s those days where the kids don’t want to listen, I have so much going on where the day feels like a rat race, or the day just isn’t going as scheduled. I get so stressed I will bury myself in the disappointment of the day because it’s just not going as planned.

It’s so easy to be busy. It is so easy to feel the need to be busy in this day and age. Why in our culture is business so appraised? I don’t want to be so worn out at night from all the days running around from place to place that I don’t have time or energy to read my kids a bedtime story or spend some alone time with my husband before bed. When I am constantly out and about Joy can’t find me. As soon as she finds me I have to get up and run off again.

I used to feel so useless staying at home. Like staying at home to raise my children wasn’t important.  When Joy would come knocking on my door I would answer and then send her away because that’s what I was supposed to do. I was not supposed to be happy and Joyful unless I worked outside the home.  How Miserable I was. I wanted to stay at home but I also wanted to work. I was never content with my decision. Joy found me here but I did not want her.

I realized I could not keep going on without Joy. I needed her and I craved her. I realized that the more and more I ran from Joy or wouldn’t let her in. The less and less she would try to find me. She had stopped looking for me every day she had stopped knocking.  I knew it had to change. Joy wasn’t finding me anymore and I staring noticing the lack of Joy in my children too. I had to go looking for Joy. She has to know I want her back.

Where are you when Joy comes looking? I didn’t have Joy. I didn’t know what it meant to be Joyful.  I had to hunt for Joy and figure out what Joy really was. Figure out what it took to invite her in even on days i would rather send her away. I will share how my hunting for Joy took place in Where will Joy find you? pt.2